I am not alone in my confusion.
I have read and shared so many stories and messages from others.
Yet I never thought to apply the messages I shared from others to myself.
I knew my identity. I understood my privileges.
The undeniable.
White.
Fair socio-economic status.
UK citizen.
The unrelatable, but “must be true”.
Straight.
Not disabled.
The unknown.
Neurotypical.
Monogamous.
Cisgender.
Five of these were wrong.
But the person I was told was me didn’t know this.
She did know that women had struggled and fought for their rights.
She knew that fight wasn’t over.
She was told that fight was hers, and took to it in her own way.
Being under 5 foot wouldn’t stop her from reaching the highest of heights.
Her bookish, nerdy, “teachers pet” labels became her strength.
The insults and “jokes” thrown at her became fuel for her fire.
She took the path less trodden as she built her life and career, feeling she was rebelling against “the system”.
But what she didn’t know was that her defiance to do things “the usual way” was still an accepted path.
A path crafted and cleverly presented by the white, cis, het, neurotypical, non-disabled, monogomous men of the world, designed to give the illusion of freedom and anarchy, whilst implicitly planting seeds of compliance with “the system” they have built.
Her gender identity at the core of all this. The unspoken expectations that other people’s perceptions placed on her – that no one taught her she could question – shaped her interactions with the world from birth without her permission.
Surrounded by well meaning, but unquestioning people, she grew to be a powerful human, passionate about inclusivity, compassion, and making a difference in the world, but ignorant to the root of the injustices she was trying to fight against.
She struggled in so many ways and never understood why.
She wasn’t me.
She was a mask.
A mask to hide the disconnect I felt with everyone around me.
A mask to protect me from the prejudice I would face.
A mask constructed by society attempting to fit everything into boxes.
A mask I did not consent to wear.
And I refuse to wear that mask for one second more.
Originally posted on Instagram in March 2021: https://www.instagram.com/p/CJtPZO5pbew/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link&stkn=NTc4MTIwNjQ2YQ==
